Mart-deBlog

In our postmodern globalized age, we forgot all about the roots. The tree roots into the ground. On the side where the roots grow deeper and stronger, there the branches grow higher and wider. Roots give grip, stability and nutrients to the growth of branches and the branches sustain the roots energy. The taproot runs straight down from the tree deep into the ground, storing energy and supporting the tree for its growth upward. The lateral roots grow away from the trunk in the surface where there are the most water and nutrients.

There is so much to be learned from the quiet tree.

Growing the bonsai tree is studying the way life grows. The bonsai tree needs to be uprooted in order to prune the outbalanced or rotten roots, to give space to underdeveloped roots. I have been uprooted several times in life to cut some roots, most probably you have been uprooted at some point too. Philosophy is a form of uprooting, a process in which we lay bare the roots of our experience and maybe cut the undesired ones. These are the roots within the metaphysical and ethical grounds of our being but there are many more and they are uprooted by the digging of our introspection. We have roots in our social grounds, roots in family grounds, in intellectual grounds, in aesthetic grounds, roots in dark and hidden depths and we have aerial roots. And we tend to forget that all these roots need their nourishment, that certain roots dominate others and can always be cut if one so desires. Strongly rooted branches overshadow other branches that wither and die, leaving scars of dead bark on the trunk. Dead bark can be beautiful, but often it takes energy and makes the trunk crooked. We need to be aware that the healthy growth of one branch means the deprivation of another. In the end the tree wants to grow, upward into the sky and deep down into the earth.

Treeology I: grow the right roots and cut the rotten ones.

There was a long empty street, I walked where the cars drive
War struck buildings, dead vines, defensive gates and cameras
Another approached me, she walked where the cars drive
She looked, I looked, a short stutter in our steady walking
I took a picture of the siding buildings, while I walked on
Crows sat quietly on the grey ridges of the old concrete
We looked up, our gazes interlocked, I saw her face
My breath squeezed out, lungs emptied in a sigh
She smiled, my eyes smiled, my mouth cramped
Our pace slowed gradually with the approach
She was close, stared straight in my eyes
My mouth opened, there was no air
I turned, backpack scraping car
She passed, looked behind her
Our sad smiles met
Why?

As many know, my life is quite possessed by my ambitions, I guess it encapsulates many of my biggest flaws in life. This was the week of my applications, thus of nervous breakdowns, of existential crisis's and sheets of paper throughout my room. I am applying for philosophy masters in Oxford, Cambridge and the Catholic University of Leuven. I am ashamed of telling people about this because - well - these are disgustingly elitist places. I do not consider myself an ivy league student (and that is a compliment to myself), I hate these places where you are not allowed to walk on the grass. But then again, I care about philosophy and it is simply a fact that the philosophy professors of these places are the best and the study by far the most inspiring.
My chances are not too great. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science instead of a Bachelor of Philosophy, thus their obvious problem will be my background. Still I have hopes. I want it so badly, though I realize they are desperate hopes. The University of Leuven would be an interesting place and it is cheap, I am still finishing that application but probably my chances should be highest here compared to the other two.

This might all sound boring but it matters. Imagine, when I chose to study philosophy I chose to spent my whole life with philosophy and I need to somehow secure my future in philosophy. Indeed it is incredibly difficult to get a job in philosophy at a university and the PhD's from ivy league schools take all the few open places, and even they have trouble. In a way, a lot is decided here, if I get rejected, I might stay another year in Berlin and try again next year, I do not know.

Halfway March I will receive the decisions and surely they will be here on my blog together with either black bile and self-torture or glee and Euphoria.