Mart-deBlog

M 16 yrs
M has noticed the somewhat shy girl R for a long time already but suddenly falls in love. After several weeks of occasional eye contact, M asks the email address of R. They chat on MSN. By now M falls madly in love and confesses this to R, who replies that she likes M too. They dance together and they hold hands on the school square. M tells R that he thinks of her as his soulmate. But R just likes M and does not know what to do. After one week, R tells M that she prefers to be friends.

Twilight
The world collapsed for M. For the rest of the year he sunk into a deep depression. Until the summer revived M again, making him feel stronger than ever. After that summer M thrived in school. Some girls fell in love with M and taught M to be himself around girls. But M could not fall in love with any of these girls.

M 18 yrs
Somewhere in spring, R's best friend tells M that R is in love with him. But M is bittered and wants her to approach him as he approached her before. So M waits but R does not do anything. The school year of M and R come to an end. Forcefully, M and R continue meeting by going to the same beach with friends. M still waits for R to act. Although nothing happens, old feelings of M slowly grow to possess him more. When the summer ends, M meets in the evening with R on the beach. They confess their true feelings and it is one of the most magical nights in M's life. From that moment onward, M and R fall deeply in love. For many months, M and R share their deepest feelings and delve into each others worlds. But M becomes not fully satisfied and starts to doubt whether R is the one for him. He breaks up. But when he sees R again one month later, he runs after her through the streets. Thus M an R are back together again for a short time. Until, when M will go to university and R to the USA, they suspend the relationship, so M can learn about his Soulmate through other girls and R can rethink her life's directions independently from M.

Twilight
Immediately after goodbye, M found a girl who was quite different from R and he liked her. But after only several weeks his feelings for this girl dwindled down. Nevertheless, M tells R all about it and R wants to cut all contact. After that, M cannot fall in love for 4 years, despite his earlier intentions to experience more. Yet, M has intense friendships with girls and learns about many different and intense characters. During these years, M is always curious about R. After the cut of contact, R's world had fallen apart and she had sunk into a depression for a year. But the next summer revived her and she met other guys. After some years, R fell in deeply love with someone and had a relationship for more than a year. When R's relationship with the other had become problematic, M and R met again in Utrecht. The feelings proved to be strong between M and R. But R returned to the other to continue with him. Nonetheless M became convinced that the story was not yet over. So M waited.

M 23 yrs, Present
On turning 23, M receives a birthday note from R. And, when M hears that R's relationship is definitely over, he replies to the note by inviting R to Berlin. She accepts. Within one day in Berlin, M and R fall in love again. Now, M and R are growing towards each other. Some ancient feelings slowly rejuvenate little by little, other feelings are mortified by history. Entirely new feelings carefully sprout on older branches. Old clouds float by, leaving wide blue spaces of the unknown. There are dangers in the history but also the support of acquired knowledge. And thus, new momentum builds up to propel the story further through this unfinished history...

My mother visited me in Berlin this weekend. It was great, in many ways. The greatness comes especially from the displacement of the mother/son relationship away from parental home and the normal web of circumstances into the enormous city of Berlin. A city like Berlin is in many respects unlike home. Thus, when my mother visited, what one gets is an extreme strong emotional bond free from normality and everyday customs. The bond in its purity. Sometimes this can be scary, weird. I see the personality behind my mother, the child behind my mother and the woman behind my mother, and this intensifies the motherhood of my mother. Luckily Berlin provides everything to also simply and carelessly enjoy, many drinks, bars, art, jazz, sushi, shops and wide streets to stroll. Nevertheless, the intensity contrasts with the light air of the day. This became clearest when my mother left again. The little boy of 7 years old was back, suffering death from a simple goodbye, sad to even slightly separate from my mother, being left behind ruptured and torn. The honesty of this experience is memorable. It was a weekend of the authentic, true being together of a real mother and a real son. In Berlin style of course.