30 July 2008
For the second time now I am doing a medicine trial research as a summerjob, this time testing the effect of a new sleeping pill when used in combination with an antidepressant. People ask me why the hell I do it and besides the money and my conviction that it is not so terribly harmful, I chose to do it because this job arranges my free time in the right way. Actually I believe one of the hardest things to get right is the planning of one's day; or even better, doing the right things during the day without strictly planning and turning oneself into a list-following robot. This is really quite hard because it depends on one hand on the most abstract matters in life, such as one's priorities in life and one's ideas on what is a good life to live. Many people do not take the time to think about these things (which are harder than they seem) or do not even know how to think of these abstract question of life (and become religious to have it all answered for them). On the other hand, there are the most practical matters of everyday life, all the trivial things that take up our time during the day, all the responsibilities and distractions such as facebook and television which require some strength of will to resist. So there are these two ends (what one wants from life and the actual things that fill up one's life) that need to be harmonized with regard to each other such as, ideally, that every little thing you do is in accordance with your life principles. In other words, tsomehow you need to fing control over these extremes, over the abstract and the trivial. I notice these things especially in my summer, when I have all the free time of the world and the chance to arrange all my daily activities anew. I am not going into my views on life at large, but at least, this summer, I needed to read philosophy, spend time with my girlfriend before I move to Belgium, be there to support my family and spend quality time with my friends. This realization of priorities is the easier part fro me personally but as such completely empty. The most difficult part comes with the translation of these carefully made choices into actual everyday life. My current job is far from perfect, of course, I'd rather not be a guinea-pig for possible medicines; but it offered the way to mark off time to read my books (as one does not do much at all during the research days), while at the same binding me to my parents' home (where the research facility is). It was the way for me to actualize some of the things that I set as desirable to myself for good reasons. This is the real reason which made be do this particular job. A reason hard to explain within one sentence.
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